Ah, another story about brothers. Hey Bro, I love you man! Bros before hoes, and so on.
A man once had four sons. He told them that he didn’t have anything to give to them, so they must go out into the world and make their own way. They each set out with their sticks, because what boy doesn’t carry a stick? The came to a crossroads that had roads going in four directions. They each chose to take one of the roads and vowed to meet back up at the exact same spot in four years.
The eldest brother met a man who offered to teach him the ways of thievery. The brother wasn’t so sure about being a thief because, “that is no longer regarded as a reputable trade,” because apparently there was a time when being a thief was reputable. The master thief convinced him otherwise. He enticed him saying that he could teach him to be such a good thief that people wouldn’t know what had hit them. So the brother was like, “Sure.” The master thief was good to his word and the brother was such a good thief, that anything he desired he could get and without detection.
The second brother went on his way and met a man who offered to teach him to be an astronomer. He enticed him offering that nothing would be hidden to him. The second brother thought this was a great idea and soon could find out anything with his telescope.
The third brother met a huntsman who taught him to be very skillful. As a parting gift, he gave him a gun that would allow him to shoot anything he desired and he would never miss.
The youngest son met a tailor. The tailor was like, “Yo, come be a tailor, it’s cool,” and the youngest brother was like, “No, I don’t think so, only nerds are tailors,” and the tailor was like, “Not with my kind of tailoring, only the bad-a**est of the bad-a**es know how to tailor like I do.” The youngest brother was drawn in with promises of swag and women, or something like that. He became a great tailor and upon parting, the tailor gave him a needle. He admonished him that this needle could sew through anything and once it was sewn together, it would appear as if it were one piece.
The men all met at the crossroads four years after the beginning of their journey. They went home to their father, who wanted to test them. He asked the second son to tell him how many eggs were in the nest way up yonder. The second son used his telescope to tell his father that there were five eggs in the nest. The father asked the oldest son to steal the eggs from the nest without the mother bird noticing. He was able to do this. The father then set the five eggs on a table and told the third son to shoot them all in two with only one shot. The third son took his special gun and shot the eggs in two with one shot. The father asked the youngest son to sew the eggs and the baby birds back together. If the baby birds were able to live afterwards he would have proven his skill. The youngest did sew the baby birds back together and when it was time for them to hatch, they hatched like any other baby birds. They had thin red lines around their necks from where they had been sewn back together.
The father told his sons he was very proud of them and that their skills would profit them. Not long after there was a big hubbub in the country. It seems the king’s only daughter had been kidnapped. There was reward. Whosoever could rescue her could have her for a wife. The four sons knew they could handle this.
The second son used his telescope to spy the princess. She was on an island in the middle of the sea guarded by a dragon. The sons got on a boat and traveled there. They didn’t know how to get her away from the dragon. The first son volunteered to steal her away without the dragon knowing. He was able to do this and the boat set off at a fast pace away, but the dragon woke up and noticed his princess was gone. He followed. The third son shot the dragon with his gun, but the dragon landed on the boat and smashed it to pieces. That was no matter though, because the youngest son soon sewed the boat back together.
The king was happy to get his daughter back, but she couldn’t share four men, so they had to decide amongst themselves who would get the princess. They all had valid claims as to why each of them should have her. Without the second son, they wouldn’t have known where she was. Without the first son they wouldn’t have gotten her away from the dragon. Without the third son they would have been eaten by the dragon. Without the fourth son they would have drowned in the sea. The king finally told the bickering ninnies that none of them could have his daughter because they couldn’t agree, but he would give them each half of the kingdom(not sure how that’s supposed to work out mathematically). They all lived in peace and harmony for the rest of their days.
Look, I don’t know how four guys each get a half of something. The only was I can figure out how this worked is that there was more than one of something. Maybe this king had more than one kingdom. Maybe he just meant you four can share half of my kingdom. If that’s the case, how come the four couldn’t have shared the princess?
So at what point in history was being a thief honorable? If this man does imply that it’s not an honorable profession *anymore,* when was it an honorable profession? Was there a time in history where people were like, “We love Toby the thief. He’s awesome. He’s like our rock star”? I don’t ever recall anyone other than another thief saying being a thief was awesome. People don’t like thieves. It’s not nice to take someone else’s stuff.
Chop unborn baby birds in half then sew them back together, nice. I’m kidding, that’s totally gross and cruel. It’s like some sort of strange Frankenstein experiment. I also posit that this would be impossible seeing as a regular sized bullet would pretty much rip an unborn baby bird apart. There wouldn’t be anything to sew back together, but then again, maybe that’s why the needle in this story is so awesome.
Why is everyone hating on tailors? It’s been a common theme in the Grimm’s fairy tales that somehow tailors are deceitful, evil, and uncool, apparently. Look, without tailors, these people would have been running around naked. Is that why they hated tailors? Were they secretly nudists who wanted no part in this clothes business? I’m going to have to look into this business of people disliking tailors. I’ll let you know what I find out in the future.
These four sons learn that they have to make their own way in the world. They can’t let someone else pave their way. That’s very true. Even if you inherit millions of dollars, you’ve got to stand on your own two feet sometime. You have to develop yourself. You have to be you.
These sons also learn that each of them are valuable for who they are. They each have a part to play and they can each contribute. If one of them were gone it would leave this gaping hole in their plans. They create this “whole” with their unique parts. Even though I highly value the idea of individuality, each of us do form part of a “whole.” We’re part of a society, we’re part of a relationship, we’re part of a family, we’re part of an organization, we’re part of a company, and so on and so forth. We would create this gap if we disappeared. Our individuality would be missed as a working part of those organizations. Sure, eventually someone would fill in, but they wouldn’t fill the role in the same manner that you did. The organization just wouldn’t work in exactly the same manner as it did before.
The dad in this story was probably one of those dads that simply threw his kids in the lake for swimming lessons.